The Double Edged Sword

When things are going well it is easy to ignore my website. In the last month I have had plenty to write about from a 5 day trip at Disney World to spending some quality time with my in-laws (that isn't meant in a sarcastic tone - my wife's relatives are truly wonderful people). So it seems to be no coincidence that I finally decide to make another blog post after the longest hiatus since I revamped my site about 40 weeks ago. I'm not sure how or when exactly it has happened, but I fear my meds are no longer working. for the last month or so things had been fantastic. I felt like I could do anything and I hoped that I was starting to level out. I wasn't overly happy, nor was I depressed. I was just very mellow and I let things roll off my back like water to a duck.

But now, I feel like I am sliding backwards again. I don't have that "today is going to be a good day" feeling anymore when I wake up. I am starting feel a bit like how Charly felt when he started to lose his mind: cognizant enough to remember how he felt before, but at the same time knowing he won't be able to return. In that same vein the depression that has set in this time feels worse simply because there was a time, not all that long ago, that I was content. But at the same time I also know it means I will be writing more. Not about this per se, but just more often. Which in a weird way makes me happy. I have dealt with depression so long that when it comes back around, it's like an old friend that annoys your at first, but you get comfortable with them hanging around. I know I'm more creative when I'm depressed. The problem with that is sometimes I have no motivation to utilize that creativity.

I know this is a hell of a way to get back in the saddle, but I have a feeling my posts will be coming out more frequently again. I have plenty ready to go in the backlog section of my brain. Look for those awesomely more mundane posts soon.